364 Days Ago

364 days ago today I thought that somehow, just somehow my mom would wake up in the hospital room and tell me that she was going to be okay. Instead, she rubbed my hand with her thumb in her palliative-care cocktailed state trying somehow to get a message to me and my sister. She was ready to go and be with my dad.

I can't believe it's been a year. I just can't believe that the time passed quickly. As a friend told me last week about his own mother who recently passed away - "Not a day goes by that I don't think of her. And I guess that's a good thing, because if I wasn't thinking about her that meant that something was wrong...I would be in serious trouble if somehow I stopped missing her".

As I lay awake last night, husband sleeping somewhat soundly to my left, the larger of the two dogs curled up between us, all I could think was "I miss her. I miss her. I miss her."